Ok I’m going to try this blog thing again for the 4th or 5th time. I’m knocking on 30 and hopefully I’m ready to be consistant. This is me whispering secrets into the world wide web, weighting in on things politically, rambling , ranting, and raging my frustrations. More importantly this will be the place where I grow as a writer and protest with my virtual voice.
Today I’ll share this poem I wrote early this morning after watching DMX and Iyanla Vanzant. It stirred up a lot of emotion in me. Caught me by surprise to see a father and son in such pain because of addiction and infidelity. I know life long addicts like DMX who battle with substances for decades upon decades. I have been shaped by the wisdom gleaned from their stories of survival and triumph as well as sadden by the impact of their mistakes and relapses. Much love and compassion for those in the struggle to love the addicts in their lives. Much gratitude to those brave enough to share their lives as they struggle for sobriety. May we learn how to be slow to judge and quick to forgive.
Its bubbling up and I don’t know what to do.
Usually tears from my eyes
are like blood from an apple
today they are welling up freely like the wind in chi city
Rolling over my body threatening to push me off my path
Bear down head first and lean into the pain
Just walk into the wind
Keep moving and you’ll be alright
Today it doesn’t feel that way
The well is over flowing
winds blowing and blowing
pushes me back, knocking me down
drowning in my own tears
Mouth wide open I gurgle more tears
Where does such sadness come from
I ache for others
Ache for the pains that surrounds me
For the suffering I’ve survived and the suffering I know others still wade in
I ache for the pain I know my children will face no matter how may
protests I stage or poems I write.
this knowing that there are things bigger than me
That I can’t control
situations I’ve created for myself
that I can’t get out of alone
its bigger than me
these things, people, systems
That eat at peace
Constrain my joy
it wells up in me sometimes
Silently invoking tears
even on the happiest of days.