This ballad lamentation prayer is for the generation lost to the non for profit nightmare

 The professional activist 

Stuck between their pay check

Grant outcomes 

And the real needs of the people 

Our movement has been co opted by donors and funders

Bleeding heart hipsters 

And self loathing gate keeping POC

Fuck you 501c3 your a joke to me

How was I ever dumb enough to think

Something you register through the government 

Could be where  I challenge this government 

And actually contribute to the movement

Maybe I’m just another burnt out dreamer 

That naive dude who just wanted to be a warrior for justice 

In the shadows of the King drum major

I just wanted to be a warrior activist poet educator liberator

A teacher of tomorrow’s 

World changers

Starting to feel like maybe 

I’m to sensitive for the fight

Sometimes it just feels like to much

Waking to visions of the blue devils stoping and frisking  the boys on my block on my way to boring meetings about how we just don’t have enough funds

The fearful stares of my neighbors my beloved elders cower or mean mug as I walk by.

Is just weighting me down. 

The daily grind. The sum of my choices where the pursuit of professional 

Activistism has led me

Face to face with limitations of the system 

And the failures of those who opened the door for us

The same ones who compelled us to fight 

Down a road of struggle and neglect in the belly  of the beast 

On the front lines in the chi city

I just wanted to be a race man

A person who lived for his community

Who dedicated his creative intellectual physical energy 

To the fight

More than just another Moe trying to get a piece of the pie

Naive enough to think he could change the flavor

To make an impact for my people for all people

 in the movement  the struggle to make this a loving world 

Those words are starting to lose their bite

I’m crumbling under the pressure of trauma mastery 

Caught in the same crosshairs as my advocates

Who do I run to when I need support? 

When I feel my candle Burning at both ends