Finally

Ok I’m going to try this blog thing again for the 4th or 5th time. I’m knocking on 30 and hopefully I’m ready to be consistant. This is me whispering secrets into the world wide web, weighting in on things politically, rambling , ranting, and raging my frustrations. More importantly this will be the place where I grow as a writer and protest with my virtual voice.

Today I’ll share this poem I wrote early this morning after watching DMX and Iyanla Vanzant. It stirred up a lot of emotion in me. Caught me by surprise to see a father and son in such pain because of addiction and infidelity. I know life long addicts like DMX who battle with substances for decades upon decades. I have been shaped by the wisdom gleaned from their stories of survival and triumph as well as sadden by the impact of their mistakes and relapses.  Much love and compassion for those in the struggle to love the addicts in their lives. Much gratitude to those  brave enough to share their lives as they struggle for sobriety.  May we learn how to be slow to judge and quick to forgive.

Powerlessness

Its bubbling up and I don’t know what to do.

Tears

Usually tears from my eyes

are like blood from an apple

today they are welling up freely like the wind in chi city

Rolling over my body threatening to push me off my path

Bear down head first and lean into the pain

Just walk into the wind

Keep moving and you’ll be alright

Today it doesn’t feel that way

The well is over flowing

winds blowing and blowing

pushes me back, knocking me down

drowning in my own tears

can’t breath

Only tears

Mouth wide open I gurgle more tears

Where does such sadness come from

I ache for others

Ache for the pains that surrounds me

For the suffering I’ve survived and the suffering I know others still wade in

I ache for the pain I know my children will face no matter how may

protests I stage or poems I write.

Powerlessness

this feeling

this knowing that there are things bigger than me

That I can’t control

situations I’ve created for myself

that I can’t get out of alone

its bigger than me

these things, people, systems

That eat at peace

Constrain my joy

Powerlessness

it wells up in me sometimes

Silently invoking tears

even on the happiest of days.

-dirtartboi