A Shark Tale

Having to cut myself in order to be free very conflicting. 

Insanity according to my mother.

Being called she when you’re really mostly he

An insanely isolating pain. 

Surviving in an a vessel that doesn’t fully express you

is a deep slow gnawing at the soul, weighting down the mind type pain.

Feeling foreign in the only body you have ever known,

walking around fully invisible like he they refuse to see in she,

living between pink or blue 

constantly being punished and dismissed for giving zero fucks about pink or blue.

Can leave some thirsty for a dip in the shark tank 

dreaming for the relief of the shark’s bite.

To tare down to rebuild is as old as time.

This taring is a mending.

A racing towards death for rebirth.

Chest flexes in the mirror like a 30 year old teenage boi.

Long deep scars stare back at me, invoking my wild shark tale.

For leaning into her mouth  and surviving the

assault of the shark’s teeth some have called me brave. 

More like desperate. I felt so fucking desperate. 

Out of desperation I jumped into shark infested waters.

Out of desperation my body chose the surgeon’s knife, 

increasing the chasm between my mother and I,

becoming a stranger to my brothers,

and more of a mystery to lovers.

I wont justify my body or defend my choices.

Their eyes whisper Insanity

at the sight of my transgressive temple

I don’t have the words to explain

why I rather a scar than a breast

my insides cringe at the thought of  explaining my body

every time I have sex

I wont justify my body

How do I say I’m a man when the thought of you makes my pussy drip?

How do I explain to them that I am they, him and her but prefer he most of the time?

Their eyes whisper Insanity at the sight of my transgressive temple.

Next comes ignorant questions painting me into narrow boxes marked exotic, oddities, and experiments.

The tooth of a shark scraped my chest.

 I left my breasts behind on a surgeon’s table in Florida

He ripped away a complicated part of me

Pain like never before. 

Freedom.

Release.

I am healing.

Like never before.

They were ripped away so on paper I could be re gendered

When I  left them behind did I ditch the binary mythology or cosign it?

Today the M in place of the F is a new Mis gendering.

Did I reject my body or this society?

Did I dismiss, embrace, or redefine myself?

What else did I leave on the surgeon’s table?

What do I have besides just another cliché ass shark tale ?

Chi City Rose

I’m a small town back woods of NJ transplant almost 8 years strong here and the people of Chi City are beautiful. They remind me of Tupac’s metaphor of the rose who grew from concrete. Though the numbers are similar we are more than Chiraq. As I have traveled this country organizing between Cali, NOLA, NY, NJ and Now Chicago I’ve learned black folk and all oppressed people in the americas are facing the same systems no matter how small the town or wide the city. Even though the winters are crazy cold, this week I have been reminded of the power of the fire in young people’s bellies and how proud I am to say I currently struggle, love, and fight for black, queer, trans, and human liberation with the people of Chicago. ‪#‎DirtyArtBoi‬ ‪#‎ChiCityLove‬

Checkout Project Nia‘s  visual love letter to Chicago’s organizers.

 

Ruins

-Sunrise selfie on Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA

Naming the Myth, Resisting the Myth

– Pascal Roberts

This reminds me why I have started calling it the Myth of white supremacy with intentional lowercase. I stay grasping for the words and actions to effectively resist the myth while building new ways of relating to people and the planet. Sometimes just saying white supremacy reenforces it in our minds and continues to center whiteness.  We must find ways in language as well as action to be real about the nature of this thing while struggling to destroy it.  This is warfare and the power of words and propaganda cannot be under estimated. 

Many societies have cultures rooted in myths and propaganda which justifies the damage they do to people and the planet in the pursuit of power or “nation” building. These myths give a sense of identity to the people and attempt to mystify governments and institutions away from responsibility for the blood on their hands and harm done to the environment. At the core of American so called patriotism is the myth of white supremacy and its insidious partner capitalism.

 The Media repackages, reenforces, and promotes assimilation and justifications for these global predators. Pop culture is constantly telling us to consume things that help you succeed, aka earn money and prestige in the white business world. The clothes you wear, the way you talk, what’s considered sophisticated versus what’s “ghetto”,”classy”, “respectable” or “professional. Behind all these are things that tie you to the myth of white supremacy and press you to perpetuate the globalization of capitalism. 

As we acknowledge the reality of how it impacts the world we must also affirm its fallacy and finite nature. As we continue to critique it we must not give it more power in our minds than it deserves. Though it has real political implications at the end of the day it’s a lie. A lie intertwined with capitalism used to create systems and institutions of oppression that can be destroyed and replaced. Too many people want to hold white people “accountable”,try to convince them to walk away from world domination, privilege, and the status quo. Most of us are taught to believe that we can convince at least a handful of good people to be a little nicer to people of color, the poor, or anyone outside the 1% for that matter. You know the way liberals rather frame the same old white supremacist and capitalists exploits as civil or human rights issues. Worse others just want more of “their” people to get a  piece of the action or a place at the table so they can prove they’re ability to assimilate and integrate into these systems to their own benefit.  

What are your thoughts on the nature of white supremacy? What are you strategies for resisting and unlearning its influence on your day to day? Have you thought about connections between the way we talk about oppression and perpetuate it at the same time?  Have you thought about the connection between this myth, globalization, and your daily spending habits? Have you had this types of discussions with young people or everyday poor/ working class POC?  Can you explain the myth of white supremacy to a 10 or 16 year old? I ask these questions in a effort to push us towards sharping our analysis, tactics, and continuing to shape a practical black liberation politic for the masses.  If these words and ideas don’t translate into the day to day lives of the poorest of the poor as well as the so called middle class they mean nothing. -#DirtyArtBoi

You Shine We Shine

We do not have to agree on everything for me to be your fan, supporter, and a person who enjoys seeing you do well. This is apart of what it means for me to practice solidarity. If we truly believe that our freedom and happiness is tied together across many intersections then when I shine you shine and vis versa. Competition can be fun but is often bred in us to keep us divi

ded. We have to intentionally work against the urges to compare and compete for profit over people. A common challenge to this are our own insecurities and ignorance of self. When you are ok with who you are you don’t need to compare nor do you feel threatened at others’ success. Now someone else’s success or shine at the expense of my peeps or liberation politic thats another story.

 

Loving Reminder

Black Liberation Strategies for the Masses?

Been trying to get my thoughts together about my frustrations with some recent protests and black progressives in general. Really don’t see a place for me on the Left, with liberals or progressives. Doesn’t mean we don’t agree on somethings or that you won’t see me trying to build with people who identify as such. However I must get better at not assuming our definitions of black liberation and methods for living it are aligned just because we share common language and love for the people. Nor will I shrink back from criticizing current trends, personalities, and groups whose tactics and politics I think distract from the many paths to liberation for the masses. This ain’t no preaching from the sidelines or social media activism. As a person who has been surviving in the heart of the Amerikkan Beast while trying to live my politics of love, resistance, and black liberation for half of my 3 short decades, I am very excited for the recent surge in political activism. I stand with everyone screaming we will not let you continue you to kill us without consequence. It fans my flames of love and resistance to see black people stand up and fight. The question is what are we fighting for and how are current tactics serving the masses of black people?

Black liberation will never come through the right Amerikkkan legislation. Fighting for progressive policy is harm reduction at best. A frustrating yet necessary survival tactic turned distraction and meal ticket for too many. Its often saps the energy of amazing minds and spirits who are needed to create something thats designed for our well being. We need something independent of capitalism and the myth of white supremacy. If we would just leave the American Dream and the trappings of this consumerist fame worshipping culture alone and believe in our capacity to build something beautiful together then we might begin to see some glimpses of liberation. There is so much freedom in our creativity our global impact on the arts and spirituality speaks to that. Could we turn that creative energy towards a livable black liberation politic for the masses?

This is where I want to begin my conversations about social change and freedom for black people in particular. Tired of reformist, lefty, progressive attempts at reforming and scrapping for pieces of these corrupt systems maintained by the blood of all types of people and the abuse of mother earth. Why are people so excited to create actions to disrupt american politics or to “challenge” whiteness? Are we so frustrated and ignorant of history that we have fallen into the traps of political theatre for white audiences. Just like its easy for white people to run to be active in POC neighborhoods away from the accountability with their white family members holding up and benefiting from racism. It’s also easier for people of color black people in this case to run to white spaces to hold protests instead of building bases of resistance and political education in the heart of our communities feeling the brunt of capitalism and the myth of white supremacy.

Activism and egos often go hand and hand. We get turnt up feeling that rush of protest and speaking truth to power then strategy gets lost in the commotion. Next thing we know we are running from protest to protest shouting at police and racism in these general ways that feel good in the moment but rarely lead to actual change in the conditions of the masses of our people. We run to case after case of murder, lynching, and people outraged that the system came to their door. We turn victims and grieving families into celebrities empathizing with their feelings of shock at how state violence has taken their loved ones. Often fear of feeling the direct impact of living under this state of war black people have been in since some of us were dragged her in chains is what drives our activism. So we seek to make the system a lil better, a lil more accountable, and we push for progress in hopes that it won’t come down on us too hard one day. In the mean time we work for a lil piece of this sour pie.

So tired of reformist, lefty, progressive attempts at reforming and scrapping for pieces of these corrupt systems maintained by the tears of our mothers. Why are people so excited to create actions to disrupt american politics or to “challenge” whiteness? Is it tied to long term strategies for practicing freedom together outside of the white gaze and the overlapping systems of oppression that feed global capitalistic domination thats also killing the planet? Or are we just trying to make things a lil better for the next generation while we enjoy our shot at fame, SUVs, sneakers, cars, addicting food like products and smartphones. If we would just leave the American Dream and the trappings of this consumerist fame worshipping culture alone and believe in our capacity to build something beautiful together then we might begin to see some glimpses of liberation. There is so much freedom in our creativity our global impact on the arts and spirituality speaks to that. Could we turn that creative energy towards a livable black liberation politic for the masses? This is where I want to begin my conversations about black liberation.

#dirtyartboi #politics #liberation #progressives

Chi2Ferguson

 

That moment when we held hands and screamed “We have nothing to lose but our Chains” and hit the floor dramatizing the black bodies who have died at the hands of the state. It was in that moment when the tears that are apart of my healing process came. My eyes quivered as I fought to keep them close but the tears came and in the midst of protest I was able to release some of the pressure with my people… Thank you.

Today was the first time in my 10 plus years of organizing where I was given the opportunity to be a organizer, healer, queer, unapologectically black, transman and all of me was welcomed while feeling pain, rage, anger, hope and struggle with strangers and friends. For that I thank CFS, BYP100, and the amazing community of Chicago organizers and activists. Next time I hope its not in the shadow of fighting, genocide, these corrupt systems and having to risk freedom for Liberation.

‪#‎struggleContinues‬ ‪#‎blacklivesmatter‬ ‪#‎Chi2Ferguson‬

BYP100 Die in at Chicago City Hall

Bigger Than Police Brutality

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/10/watch-cops-smash-window-to-use-taser-on-passenger-during-seat-belt-traffic-stop/

The issue is not that we don’t know our rights, so we should learn the letter of the law and know how to recite it to police nor is it a matter of just obeying the officers to end the encounter. The truth is they know our rights and have been violating them with no fear killing and assaulting us physically and mentally without consequence for centuries. Globally it’s always the darkest and the poorest who get it most. The Panthers taught us that.

Can we address this moment in the movement without wasting time arguing about What the problem is whether police are bad or if the system is broke? Do we really need another article about racism? Racism is the fabric of society. This is not new. The only thing new about this moment is that in this age of information and through the power of social media we are able to see it in ways and at rates our society never dreamed time would reveal.

When will we stop getting mad at police and politicians for doing their jobs ? When are we going to admit to ourselves and each other that this society is doing exactly what it was designed to do….. Profit more and more by keeping us under anyone and anything’s control but that of our own minds.

How long are we going to keep trying to talk around the need to jump out of this burning ship. Oh right most of y’all like burning in this crumbling system. You’ve convinced yourself you deserve to burn. You think if you just pray and work hard enough some messiah will come along and make this thing work right …at least for you. Those are new age fairy tales. Obama taught us that.
So what is the conversation? Who knows what’s next?

-tired of videos and conversations about videos of police brutality aka Dirtyarboi

Say Justice Again

Some cry for justice cause their definitions of self and success are wrapped in the American dream being a reality

But anyone with eyes to see

who wants to see even the painful truths

know it’s always been  white lies shaping our nightmares.

Some cry and fight for justice cause we know the system was never designed for us

and on our way to building a new way

we can’t  just lay down and allow you to keep dehumanizing us without a fight.